Jaded.

I have this Teachers’ Phrase Stamp that I inherited from my desk’s previous owner. There are twelve phrases on the stamp, so I can be lazy and stamp instructions on my students’ papers like, “Very Good” or “Improving” or “Watch Punctuation” or “See Me”.

But I never use it. It feels too impersonal.

However, after grading term papers over the last couple of days, realizing that only a handful of my students actually did the project correctly (even though we’ve been working on it for two months), and losing all hope for America’s future, I’m considering getting my own phrase stamp made.

Here are my twelve phrases:

1. What is wrong with you?
2. Repeat elementary school.
3. Why can’t you follow simple instructions?
4. At least you got your name right.
5. Who taught you how to spell?
6. Seriously!??
7. So…I guess you’re staying in Payson forever, then?
8. Dumbass.
9. Hope you like hairnets.
10. I blame your parents.
11. Does this B.S. work with your other teachers?
12. You have now failed my class. Go cry to the counselors. They will undermine my authority, override my grade or let you make up the credit via asinine packets, and let you graduate early.

Comments

Marilyn said…
I probably shouldn't ask this, but how did Kolton do? He's so smart but he doesn't care about his grades at all except as far as keeping his phone goes.
Alicia said…
HAHA I love it! You are not a jerk... unfortunately, you are right. This is one aspect of teaching that I do not miss. Rock on.
Oh man you are funny! I think you should definitely try out some of your phrases...it could be fun!
Jess and Jeff said…
Oh my, you are hilarious! I am laughing out loud at work and had to fwd to a colleague so she understood. These make complete sense...I think I could even use all but a few here at work! :)
Laurel said…
Ummm... I read this at work and was LAUGHING OUT LOUD!!! I love every second of this, and have made about 6 other people read your list so far. Love it!
Josh & Kenz said…
You seriously crack me up!
Robby said…
Can I just give you props for being one of the VERY few people I know who have kids that still manage to write blogs that entertain me! Ok...that sounded rude...but when every blog you look at has updates on "little Jonny" making his first poopy...i begin to die a little inside. If the kid starts spinning its head and vomiting green....then I'll spend more than 5 seconds checking out the blog.... :) OK...rant...you really do have a sweet kid and I do read those updates too. I just like that you mix in other stuff as well. PS...I am not a jerk. :)
Scott and Megan said…
those are flippin fantastic! I can just see your face saying each one aloud. Hysterical! I am totally angry eyes over the fact taht i didn't get your saturday message until sunday...please try me again! How many days left until school is out? Can't come soon enough, I'm sure!:)
Unknown said…
Love this. I seriously think you could market these--I'll be your first customer! :) My FAVORITE is is the last one ;) then #2.
Leah said…
You are so freaking hilarious. Honestly. I LOVE your sense of humor. Probably because it is so much like Zeb's! ;)

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